‘My Husband to be’

Happy new month!!

How are you? Are you hopeful about the next six? Anyway, I am hopeful, hope you are too. Also, the photo above has nothing to do with this story, it is just a picture of me that I like. Now shall we move to today’s story?

I have had the longest nights and days but after three months of emotional roller coaster, here I am speaking about it. I bumped into one of the stories in this series and now this is me getting the courage to talk about my story.

Well, you might say girl moved on so fast, no? But sometimes it’s the only sane thing to do especially during this lockdown. Also, some of us don’t hold onto emotions that much if it’s not worth it.

I had dated L for three years and all I can say those were the most beautiful years of my life so far. These were years full of bliss, pure love and really nostalgic moments that I will forever be grateful for. L took me to the most beautiful places in this country that were crowned by romantic dinners in hotels I wouldn’t have managed to go to at that time since I was a student. On some days we even went on random trips and dates and considering the work he did I was always happy he made time for us.

L was my Mr. Perfect he had accomplished so much and at 29 he was a manager at one of the airlines in this country. At times I even thought he didn’t have a lot of money commitments that is why he was always spending so much money on me. A part of me was always suspicious but I had no evidence so we moved.

I was a student then, 5th year in medical school and we all know how medical school can put you on toes and since he knew the kind of weeks I had, he would sometimes call to inform me that he had booked us three nights in one of Kisumu’s prestigious hotel and end the call with ‘see you tomorrow evening.’ This was really consistent, the following weekend it would be Rusinga, the other Takawiri. I was living large. Okay she just mentioned those two places and now I am thinking those two places are jinxed he he he if you have read the first story in this series then you know what I am talking about.

I am someone who loves their own space so the fact that L was always out of the country never bothered me at all since I knew once he came back, he would always make time to come see me since I lived like about 400km away. I was okay with this arrangement because medical school was always keeping me on toes so I lost track of time always. L also knew so well that I really didn’t like being in people’s spaces so most of the time he would come over though once in a while I visited his place. This is the point I say I wish I knew better.

Life was good. Love was flowing. He introduced me to most of his family that mattered. We forged relationships with some of them. I thank God I only mentioned him in passing to my mum.

I was always the block between our sweet future because I always insisted on finishing school first and getting a job before settling in.

Fast forward, I finish school and was lucky enough to get a good job immediately. Remember I had promised that we will make everything official once I was done with school and at least had a job. L was on my case now and the pressure had become too much. He wanted us to start thinking about our future from meeting my family to having children. I bowed to this pressure because my heart was totally sold and was sure this was the man I wanted to grow old with after bringing amazing humans into this world. My only worry was my age. I was 25 then and in my brain 25 was still too young considering L was almost in his mid-30s. Aaaah I was scared but I agreed to meet him so we could talk things over and if possible, set a date for his people to meet my people. Eventually, we met in one of the high-end hotels in this city and everything went well. We had agreed on when our families would meet and a time frame to start trying for a baby. It was a beautiful night and I was proud of myself for being ready to take this big step despite being scared. I was okay with it since this man loved me so much, I knew we would conquer.

While at the hotel, L hands me his phone to show me some conversation he had with his sister but as we all know the devil is always working overtime. I should have returned the phone once I was done but instead, I scroll few chats up and since I went looking, I got exactly what I was looking for. There was a message from another lady wishing him a happy Father’s Day and for a moment I am confused and even convinced myself it was a wrong text. Despite being confused and balancing tears I managed to give his phone back and carry on with our chat as we went on with our date.   I was keeping calm because I had always blown things out of proportion so I was not about to destroy this one, at least not having concluded our marriage plans. I stayed calm.

I asked him later on and as usual I was told I was creating an issue out of nothing but I was not convinced. I brushed everything off and I decided to do my own investigation. We know when a woman dedicates her time to finding the truth she always will right? I confirmed my fears and I somehow regretted why I even did it. L had a baby mama and the shocking part was that she had two children. Okay, is this now a baby mama or a wife? I have no idea.

I knew I had to make things right so I reached out to the lady and we had a lengthy talk about our man. Someone might be wondering why I did all these yet we already had marriage plans but it was easy to let go of my three-year relationship than deny her two children a chance to grow with their dad. While talking to the other lady I realized her first child was older than my relationship with L and the second one was conceived and born while I dated him. Just so you know, the children are his photocopies but he still accuses me for leaving him without a reason. I still ask myself the kind of reason he wants. I was mad that we had co-existed all these while and he didn’t even care mentioning. The lady and I are still ‘friends’. We still laugh at how we were fooled all this while. We still laugh at how he managed to call me even at 1am. We still laugh at how we would spend so much time together and she never noticed. Save for suspicion once in a while.

My heart was broken and the last three months were the toughest for me but somehow, I am getting back up and making peace with those three years I lost. On some days I regret having snooped on his messages but then again, I think it was for the best.

My lessons?

Space and a man cannot exist in one sentence. He knew so well there was no way I was going to show up so he played us nicely for three years and none of us even suspected a thing. Visit your man as frequently as you can this might sound like you are clingy but sis do it, you will thank me later.

Also, his friends and family members are not your relatives. Remember I had been introduced to them and I know they had met the other lady but none told me or hinted. It could be about minding your own business but still I should have been warned, I was about to destroy a family for crying out loud. They will laugh and share a meal with you and still not say anything. Finally, babe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You emerge stronger and wiser than you think. Give everything time, live in that pain eventually you will rise above the pain you felt. I am not there yet but, I am working on it one sunset at a time.

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2 Comments

  1. Beautifully written…I like my space,a lot…And I always give space to ‘my significant other’ probably why they don’t exist right now heheh!One of my girlfriends even called me ‘too liberal’ because I believe in a relationship,we should both be mature and responsible enough to be loyal and nature what we have…I probably had different views before,but at my age(late 20s)and level of maturity now,this is my belief…I hope my future ‘significant other’ will bear the same belief.

    1. True, everyone should be loyal to their significant other. May we all end up with people who believe in what we do or are willing to understand our beliefs.
      Thank you for always passing by.

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