A Game of coffee

Still, working from home? Get a shower, fix some coffee, and let’s cheers to this amazing series then drink to every stupid ‘love’ thing you did. Normally we drink a hard drink but aren’t you scared they will treat you abnormally (insert uncle Rona’s voice) By the way Phenny, I look forward to hearing from the sons of Abraham on the same. This being my first lock down I am glad to be where I am, doing it with amazing souls around me. If corona checked in 4/5 years ago I am sure it would have had nothing on me. My thoughts and ‘feelings’ though would for sure have killed me. The fear of quitting, the idea of forgiving, and the hope of it getting better. Note I am not blaming anyone else but me. I was young, naïve, and not to forget ‘sweet’.  Like or unlike most of you love was strictly for God, family, and friends not boys in high school! All you wanted was to study and join a campus of choice not knowing ‘lust’ and cookies were waiting for you more than the books. Praise Jesus if you never experienced either of the two and sip coffee if you had both in your campus lifetime. God bless your soul. Life is not all books and si degree ni Harambee, so why bother when you can instead get high? High on love or cookies?

Welcome to Jumanji.

Unlike the real Jumanji where it all starts in a warehouse, our Jumanji starts in the school library first floor to be specific on the right side where all the IT gurus sit. Nimesoma nani. My girlfriend and I were probably doing our take away CAT and studying for the semester’s final exam which was 2 weeks away. Being on a parallel program the least I would do was get good grades for me and my parents. Lunch break came and before we left this tall guy walks towards us and borrows one of the books we were using. Mlisema referring to a guy as short ni racism pia? He introduced himself and promised to return the book after lunch. To tell you the truth I felt NOTHING! I was faithful to my village boy who probably was already dating another village girl.

We came back and the book was returned to the sender and I never set my eyes on him until the last day of school that semester. Somehow the entire faculty shared a hall during the exams and just so you know our exams were always done from 6 pm to 8 pm. (You probably know the campus now). I was scared of darkness and my ‘light’ offered to walk me home. I couldn’t say no. Contacts were exchanged and I started looking forward to his calls or texts and isn’t that how we knew we were in ‘love’ back in the days?

If Safaricom messages annoyed you when you were expecting a sweet text sip coffee. If you went to bed just to answer a call under blankets sip some more, and if you got rained on dashing to top up your Simcard just to reply to a text refill your mug. Even worse if you subscribed to the 200 messages for the love get a hard drink!

Year one was all fun and honeymooning until he left school for his internship. Conversations got cold and the excuse was work. I kept myself distracted with books, friends, and movies. I stopped asking questions in fear of losing us and just letting things be. January came and I was required to do my first internship and luckily my girlfriend and I got a post in one of the universities around Thika road but in different departments. We were 8 interns in my department and we all related as half of us were from the same uni. One guy though stood out. He had jokes and while person A was busy with work we were busy teaching each other IT things and a friendship grew out of that. (Not what your dirty mind thought) Fast forward person B left us and joined where person A was now working along Mombasa road permanently and none of them knew each other. Shit happened and person A accessed person B’s chats at work and hell broke loose. He now figured out why I stopped being bothered when he never called or messaged me. People see and hear what they want to. While my conversations with person B were pure he chose to see romance in them. When he called and I was away he chose to believe I was doing what he was doing. Threats of leaving me were the new happy messages and I dreaded his texts. We broke up every month but the fear of losing him and the couple goals we served had me going back every time he was sorry. When person B figured out what was happening he invited me for drinks and this time he served the real tea. He snitched on person A and made it clear I was not the problem but he was. I started to question and every time I asked questions it turned into a verbal fight or even worse when I bumped into him with another lady it got physical. I left and swore never to go back. But a week later we were back. See what fear can do? It destroys you and has you doubt your worth.

How did I finally end it?

He called me a big word one of the evenings and my heart sunk so deep that when it was back I had made a decision. A decision long overdue, a decision that has me smiling today, a decision I hope everyone can make if things are not working out. Weeks passed, months and years passed and today I trust every one of us is happy where they are.

 Are we friends?

No, no way! Sounds bitter right? No, I am not bitter. You forgive but that doesn’t mean friendship, it simply means minding your own business and let the past be the past.

Has dating him affected me with other guys?

Yes I have dated several times and on the effect, I am more aware of a toxic relationship, and to be honest, I trust less but question more.

Words to my future daughter?

Love yourself enough to know when to walk away, forgive yourself enough times and no situation is permanent under the sun.

To a future son?

Learn to be honest and to not project your fears to others and no person is a commodity to own. Not even when you marry them.

It can only get better and the good one finishes last!

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