This Innocence…

Happy Friday!

Thank you for all the feedback from our first post on #Brokenseries. Thank you too for the love because of you guys we made it to our second post.

You are probably wondering what innocence has to do with this. Relax and if possible, take a seat because being innocent and naïve in this dating scene, you will be shown flames like I always say. Before we go on have you read the first story?

Innocent love is very beautiful, too beautiful that you play blind even to things that are screaming see me but then since you know nothing about relationships apart from constant texts, holding hands, dedix (If you do not know what these are, thank you for passing by I love you) that always summed up letters back then in high school you don’t see. I was 19 probably too naïve but to me I thought I knew it all. It was during this time just after high school that I met Mr. Fine. Ours was more of a fairy tale I mean I was doing my usual at the market then Mr. Fine winked at me. This could be creepy to some of you but I found this to be too cute. My Mr. Fine was all definition of fine, tall, dark and his dressing style was too good to be true. As this fairy tale lived on, he walked to where I was and offered to help carry what I had bought. I was still in awe and all I did was stare at his thick lashes and getting lost in his husky voice as he talked to me.

We walked out, him carrying some of my stuff and trying to have a conversation but I was all jittery and all those things people feel when they see someone they like. I barely said anything, all I was asking myself was how. Anyway, he asks how I will get home feeling too concerned because my luggage was huge. Hee! What he didn’t know was that I have carried heavier stuff. If you grew up in the village, you understand this. He pays for my boda boda ride home and tells me to call him once I got home. As much as I was excited, I did not call him, reason being Safaricom was not giving me a chance to. My phone lacked airtime so I went about my business at home till he called later that night.

Few days later, Mr. Fine asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. At this point I knew I was untouchable because I had a boyfriend in the university. I would always rub it on my friends faces not knowing reggae was just about to be stopped. Did I tell you, he convinced me to join the same university as him and as fate would have it, I did join. I was so happy, for a moment the stars, moon, sun all those things were on our side. By the time I was joining campus, Mr. Fine and I had not been intimate and I do remember he always said he would wait and that he treasured me so much and all.

Fast forward to our relationship in campus. I met his friends, and most people that mattered to him. Days went by and somewhere along the way we became intimate for the first time and this here changed everything. Those frequent calls stopped, anytime I asked him if he was fine he would give excuses. To me I thought it was something about being in campus or maybe that is how campus relationships functioned. I was innocently naïve and I had not experienced any of this so I took them all to be normal. At times I even saw him with other girls, giving each other those long hugs that made me uncomfortable but still I moved. This should have been red flag number one but it wasn’t to me.

 In the process of making my relationship work, one time I missed a class to go check on my person. I think the gods were not on my side on this day or maybe when my parents prayed about me focusing on my studies, God heard them. I was hungry and tired but I still walked to his hostel. Let me not deceive you that distance was short, I still went because when you love distance is nothing to you. He he he this is a lie. I walked to his hostel and since it was a building I was used to, I walked to his room and only knocked once and opened the door. I wished I hadn’t, I wished I went to class , I wished every other thing apart from going to his room. I walked in on Mr. Fine with another girl and amidst the shock and confusion he stood up grabbed his bed sheet and walked quickly towards me. At this point I was crying, the lady on the other side was curled up in a corner, maybe she thought I was about to start a fight but I couldn’t my mama raised me better. Mr. Fine had the guts to say it is not what I think. Okay, I am a village girl probably too innocent and I know nothing about exposure but my eyes would never lie to me. I walked out, ran down the stairs and cried all the way back to my hostel. These were tears of pain, no one had ever done me dirty like that and for crying out loud, I did not deserve it not that anyone does. My roommates looked at me judgingly since I wasn’t eating and cried mostly. Maybe they were just wondering what on earth was wrong with me. I chose not tell them either since I was not about to be laughed at so I cried more.

Days later Mr. Fine came to where I was and apologized acting even more hurt and claiming it was the girl’s fault. Red flag number 2. I wanted him back, so we picked from where we had left. I should have known better; I deserved more than this fine human but like they always say, the heart will always want what it wants even if it is toxic and poisonous. We did not last long, I got messages and nudes on his phone and I knew that was it. This was a battle I could not fight; it was not my portion anymore. It was time for me to handover this fine ass man to someone else.  I broke it off with Mr. Fine and though I cried every single day, it was for the best. I cried so bitterly that when I look back, I feel embarrassed.

Anyway, let me tell you, you can never change someone unless they want to and I wish I knew this back then. Now I know better and I look back and I do feel proud of myself. I moved on to date a guy who had always been on my case but I ignored him because my everything was invested on Mr. Fine. Someone might be wondering what was that or why I did it but to me moving on had to be next to someone. On my own I would not have made it.

Wueeeh! Some men will do wonders to your heart innocent heart especially if they know how much you care. I had invested all my emotions, time and everything I had. So, when he broke my heart everything stopped for a moment and all I had to do was to pick up the pieces my way. People have different ways of moving on, finding themselves and most importantly learning to trust and love again but life goes on. I survived and I am so proud of myself. You too will make it out do not worry.

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13 Comments

  1. This is worth reading!Sometimes the most valuable lesson a man can teach you is that you can do better without him

  2. Oh! First loves. The deceit is uncalled for but always so generously dished out. We learn to love smarter as we move along. Lovely peace love.

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